Gronk Got Robbed (And Not Just At The Super Bowl)

February 6, 2018 / Posted by:

My mom always sends me articles about how I’m being a total moron each time I post to Instagram and Facebook when I’m on vacation because it alerts knaves that I’m out of town and how it’d be a good time to rob me. If knaves are that hungry for a mildewed DVD box set of Friends and a bottle of poppers, I’ll let them have them. Considering New England Patriots tight end (teehee) Rob Gronkowski spent his weekend at the Super Bowl in Minneapolis, he didn’t need to bother with the social media update. The knaves knew he was away, and it appears they took off with a lot of stuff.

The Boston Globe says the Foxborough, Massachusetts, police sent officers to Gronk’s house Monday night to investigate a burglary. Multiple safes and potentially a few guns were taken. Not that there’s ever a good time to have thieves traipse into your house and walk out with some loot, but Foxborough Police Chief Bill Baker said this had to particularly sting:

“I don’t know if you [have] ever been the victim of a break-in, but when you are robbed and there is an intrusion into your personal space, it’s unpleasant whether you are Rob Gronkowski or Bill Baker. For him, it’s a double whammy coming off the loss.”

Bill isn’t giving any further details since they want to protect Gronk’s privacy (do we think he’ll mind??) and because the investigation is active. He did say they know exactly what they took, so I imagine every pawn shop in New England knows to keep an eye out for his stuff  (“Like that’ll make a difference!!” –Cathy Moriarty). Bill wouldn’t say when the break-in took place. He also wouldn’t say if Gronk had security cameras or even those fake cameras you can get on TV after three easy payments of $19.99 that are supposed to spook burglars.

Gronk already had Boston breathing into a paper bag when he wouldn’t commit to saying he would return to the team next year. He’s had a rough year with a concussion and taking several beatings on the playing field…let alone the broken eardrum he surely suffered from my high-pitched squeal when I saw him go by on a float at last year’s Super Bowl parade. Getting robbed could be (hopefully not) what finally makes one say sayonara to Beantown. Sure, you can get robbed and concussed just as easily in Miami as you can in Boston, but at least there would be less Tom Brady bitching about how bad your post-game ritual of strippers and fried chicken is for the digestive tract!



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