Night Crumbs
Doug Jones became an Alabama Senator yesterday, and during his swearing-in ceremony, his gay zookeeper son Carson Jones became the newest member of The Side-Eye Museum Hall of Fame by throwing a skin-scorching side-eye at Mike Pence. Mother probably had to slather a ton of aloe vera on that burn – Towleroad
That traffic officer is a total asshole for giving Colin Farrell a ticket when it’s obvious he can’t afford it (I mean, he can’t even afford to fix his shirt) and he just got hit by lightning. Way to make his shitty day shittier, officer! – Lainey Gossip
Take note, Selena Gomez – Celebitchy
BREAKING: Reality mess to show her messy marriage and divorce on her messy reality show – Reality Tea
Tiffany Haddish turned the New York Film Critics Circle Awards ceremony into Drunk Thoughts with Tiffany, and I hope she does that with many awards shows this year – Pajiba
GENIUS is Britney Spears wearing a yellow bikini so you can’t see any pee pee stains when she pisses in the ocean – Drunken Stepfather
I was kidding yesterday when I said that LOVE’s Advent videos were over, because they’re back and will continue to terrorize us until well after the apocalypse – Hollywood Tuna
Bruno Mars’ ode to In Living Color would’ve gotten two snaps, a twist and a kiss from me if it had a cameo from Men On Films – OMG Blog
Betty and Veronica from Riverdale are in Cosmopolitan looking like Alexis and Krystle in Nick Jr.’s reboot of Dynasty – Popoholic
I no longer have the ability to feel jealously, because I used it all up on the Fabulously Gay Ken in the Donna Mills and Joan Collins sandwich – SOW
Meghan Trainor and her dude left a sex shop with a big ole’ bag of dildos, and I bet she didn’t need to pick up any lube, because anybody would naturally squirt out a geyser from seeing her man’s finger shoes – Just Jared
Pic: Instagram