Dong-Shaped Candles Filled With Meth Were Seized In New Jersey

September 1, 2017 / Posted by:

Fans of the musical Hamilton will know that everything was once legal in New Jersey. Well, if the founding fathers could see what type of shenanigans go down there nowadays, they’d blush right through their fluffy white wigs!

TMZ reports that the DEA has seized a buttload of meth. That’s not that crazy. What is, is that the meth was disguised as dong-shaped candles.

The federal agency tells TMZ…4 men and 1 woman were arrested last week in New Jersey for trafficking and conspiring to distribute more than 1,300 pounds of wax candles laced with meth. TMZ obtained photos of the haul which show the knickknacks could totally double as dildos.

TMZ has a couple pics, which you can see below.

I’m not a strict constitutionalist. I believe the document should be malleable and able to accommodate, if desired and with proper congressional consent, any number of things that were not even thinkable back in 1787. I mean yes, they had candles. And yes, they surely had dildos. But meth? Mixed with candles? Shaped like dildos? There is no constitutional precedent. The founding father’s minds would have been blown out.

TMZ adds:

Agents grabbed 27 boxes in all. We’re told the DEA got a whiff of the plan when one of the suspects drove an undercover agent to the warehouse where they planned to store and convert the candles to crystal meth. The DEA, along with the NYPD and Homeland Security, swooped in to make the arrests.

Dong-shaped meth dildo candles: what won’t they think of next?! This great country of ours was founded on ingenuity, scrappiness, and disdain for authority. I think the founding fathers would have been proud of this rag-tag bunch of entrepreneurs. And I think Thomas Jefferson would have surreptitiously disappeared one of those boxes for his own private inspection.


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