Open Post: Hosted By Joe Jonas’s VMA Pornstache

August 28, 2017 / Posted by:

I moustache you ask a question: why the hell is everyone rocking a flavor saver these days? Over the last year, the official lewk of everyone in my local gay watering hole went from hairless ferret to Cousin It, and it’s spooking the Ketel One! Joe Jonas joined the ever-growing list of upper-lip hair enthusiasts.

Joe rolled up to the VMAs last night looking like a Super-Baked Mario Bros. with the other members of his group, DNCE. The Hollywood Reporter says the upper lip caterpillar may be the JoBro paying homage to his band’s collaboration with ’70s king Rod Stewart on a remix of “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy.” I guess the rhinestones on his blazer were a nod to ’70s kween Liberace, which, yes, I certainly think is sexy.

I get it, though. His brother Nick Jonas has been hard at work overindulging on the Insta filters to corner the “I’m a twink who just discovered Planet Fitness and how bathrooms can double as a photography studio” market. Joe is a full THREE years older and SIX lengths shaggier when the dude at SuperCuts asks what setting to use on the trimmers. What better way to differentiate yourself from that pipsqueak (but don’t call him that) than look like Burt Reynolds Cosmo centerfold fap material?! Meanwhile, Kevin Jonas can have the…dad garage band jam-fest market?

Put all three together, and you have a complete man sandwich!


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