Hot Slut Of The Day!
Rally Cat!
In between horrifying shit about flea dick-having Nazi ass bubbles and more horrifying shit about flea dick-having Nazi ass bubbles (and yes, I burned my khakis yesterday… I had to buy a pair when I worked retail, okay?), my Twitter timeline has been filled with the harrowing tale of Rally Cat! The legend of Rally Cat was born on Wednesday night at Busch Stadium in St. Louis, MO during a game between the Cardinals and the Kansas City Royals. It was the sixth inning, and the Cardinals were getting their asses beat 5-4 in their own house when a lucky charm crashed the field (yes, a pussy hijacked a Busch) and became the most exciting thing to happen to baseball in a long time.
As unamused and jealous players looked at Rally Cat like, “This attention whore,” the spotlight-stealing pussy sashayed along the field like trick owned the place. The people in the stadium cheered for Rally Cat, but a ground crew member just had to kill the fun and ran onto the field to capture him. Rally Cat didn’t go quietly and bit at a bitch like a drunk sorority girl fighting the bouncer who kicked her out of a bar. At around the 0:50 mark in the clip below, watch as Rally Cat plays the role of you and the crew member plays the role of Monday who is dragging you into the work week as you bite and scream.
In a PLOT TWIST, the cat ended up being a lucky charm to a baseball team named after a fucking bird. After Rally Cat blessed the field with his presence, Yadier Molina of the Cardinals busted out a Grand Slam and his team ended up winning. After they won, the Cardinals should’ve brought Rally Cat onto the field and worshiped him as their new king, but they couldn’t, because the pussy went missing. The Cardinals claimed in a statement that after the crew member took Rally Cat off the field, ushers tried to tame the rabid pussy, but had a hard time. That’s when some lady fan claimed Rally Cat was hers and took off with him. (Uh huh, something tells me that the “lady fan” was actually a minion for the Royals who planned to chuck the Cardinals’ lucky charm off a bridge.) But Rally Cat cannot be held down by no one and escaped from the fan’s clutches.
Rally Cat went missing, and many figured that he probably stowawayed on a Greyhound bus headed for Hollywood where he planned to use his newfound fame to get a reality show. But that didn’t happen. Instead he was found on the streets of St. Louis by volunteers with St. Louis Feral Cat Outreach. They currently have him, and said they’ve gotten an offer from the Cardinals to adopt him, but they haven’t made any decisions about that yet.
So let me get this straight, the Cardinals gave Rally Cat to some lying stranger bitch and now they’ve suddenly had a change of heart and want to adopt him? Fuck them for that. May Rally Cat get revenge on the Cardinals by offering his lucky charm services to their rival, the Chicago Cubs, who will change their name to the Chicago Rally Pussies and go on to win the World Series!
Pic: YouTube