Legally Speaking, Usher’s Alleged Herpes Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

August 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Anyone who’s got something fiery in their pants, and I mean in the non-sexy way, should probably clue their prospective sex partner in on it. It’s thoughtful, shows that you’re an upright individual concerned with the health and safety of others, and should spare you any future legal action. This especially holds true if you’re a rich, horny celebrity.

Take Usher and his alleged Herpes Simplex 2 diagnosis, for example. He’s probably going to have to start direct depositing a portion of his paycheck to a “Herpes Pay-Off” account. There is already a woman suing him for $20 million for allegedly giving her the herp. Now, three more people are supposedly filing a lawsuit of their own. And in not that salacious news, one of them is a man! They’re calling him “John Doe” which is nicer than just coming out and calling him “Justin Bieber.” I kid!

According to TMZ, celebrity attorney Lisa Bloom is representing all three of the future plaintiffs. She plans on filing the suit on Monday in California, and then hold a news conference in NYC. Call it “The Gloria Allred Offensive.”

The plan is to have one of the women go public with her story at the press conference. The other woman and the dude are going to remain anonymous and be referred to as “Jane Doe” and “John Doe.” All three of them will claim that they’ve had sexual contact with Usher since 2012, and that he neglected to inform them of his frequent visitor – “Mr. Sores.

Nice try on the aliases, but someone is probably going to be able to put two and two together when they read the deposition transcripts. It will be evident whom “John Doe” is when they read the testimony and bratty-sounding statements like “yo dawg, he referred to it as ‘mentoring,’ bro…” keep popping up.


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