The Bowling Ladies Of The Chadstone Bowls Club!
Beyonce’s Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It), which was written by approximately 4,569 people, sold 5 million copies in the U.S. alone, has been certified platinum in several other countries, won three Grammys, is a favorite karaoke song of chicks drunk on ro-zay and it’s probably been burrowed deep into your brain since two thousand and fucking eight. But that song hasn’t really made it until a bunch of hot bowling grannies from Australia did a parody of it to save their lawn bowling club!
The New York Times says that the Chadstone Bowls Club in Malvern East (which is a suburb of Melbourne in Australia) is in danger of being destroyed to make way for a brand new $20 million indoor sports stadium. Chadstone Bowls Club is where 58-year-old Denise Wallash, 72-year-old Wyn Hewett, and 82-year-olds Terry Foster and Janine Hall, regularly rule the lawn as they work those balls. They just couldn’t stand by and watch a wrecking ball bust through their memaw bowling wonderland. So they pulled up their chonies, put on their freakum bowling ensembles and shook and swayed their asses and hips so much that they probably needed to lay in a bath filled with BenGay the next day. To fight the evil whores who want to stomp on their bowling dreams, they did a parody of Single Ladies called All The Bowling Ladies. This is like Calendar Girls, but instead of bringing their granny chichis out for charity, the’ve brought their moves out for bowling.
Denise is the mastermind of the video, and Wyn, Terry and Janine are the stars. They uploaded their masterpiece to Facebook over the weekend, and in just a few days it has over a million views and has turned them into overnight STAHS! The Change.org petition they created to save their bowling lawn also has thousands of signatures. Get into the video that will probably make Beyonce hang up her performin’ wig for good and retire!
The mayor of Stonnington, the city that governs Malvern East, has said that the fate of Chadstone Bowls Club hasn’t been decided yet, and that the council will listen to the citizens of the town and the bowling members before making their decision. That mayor is blowing a load of bullshit fumes into those bowling ladies’ bloomers, because the city is probably going to tear Chadstone Bowls Club down. Denise, Wyn, Terry, Janine and company should show the city that they fucked with the wrong bowling biddies. When that stupid indoor sports stadium opens, the members of Chadstone Bowls Club should set up a mini bowls club across the street and announce that they will perform All The Bowling Ladies between games. That new indoor sports stadium won’t last a week, because how can it keep going when everybody is across the street to watch the bowling ladies shake their asses live?