Amy Schumer Is Generous With Her Money

April 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Amy Schumer gets a lot of flack from all segments of the population for being shrill and annoying, thinking she’s funnier than she is, allegedly being a klepto for jokes, acting as an enabler for Lena Dunham’s privilege, pissing off comedy treasure Tig Notaro, wearing things like this, coming dangerously close to foisting a Barbie movie on us, and so on.

But, like the rest of us, Amy is multi-faceted. And one of those facets is that she’s so grateful for being allowed to piss, that she spends thousands of dollars on a stranger. A mattress store employee let Amy use of the store’s bathroom, so Amy bought her a $2,000 mattress. I hope she didn’t ask to use the mattress store employee’s discount to buy that mattress, because that would render this gesture a little tacky.

People reports that the Six Corners Mattress Firm employee, Sagine Lazarre (whose name sounds like that of a semi-evil Bond girl that doesn’t survive the movie), was probably bored and wishing she could lay down on one of the Tempur-pedics to catch a few zzz’s when a sweaty Amy popped in during a run.

Sagine Lazarre, the store employee, happily pointed her towards the restroom, not realizing the desperate jogger was Schumer.

Grateful for the hospitality, Schumer walked up to Lazarre on her way out and asked which mattress was her favorite. She then bought the $2,000 mattress on the spot as a gesture of her appreciation.

I’m not a woman (shut it, you snarky tramps) but I know and love many. And I realize the vast difference between the genders when it comes to public urination. Men can really just use the angle and structural shading of a handy dumpster to duck behind, whip it out, go, and call it a day. It’s harder for ladies! No one wants their hind-quarters that near an alley floor. They have more to do with the squatting, worrying about their center of gravity, and so on. And not everyone carries a GoGirl in their handbag or fanny pack. So, I can see where Amy would be grateful enough to show her appreciation via a new bed.

What’s also nice about this story is that mattress store Bond girl just moved into a new apartment, so it was a timely gift. And she didn’t even know who Amy was at first. To her, it was just some rich sweaty stranger.

“It’s amazing, mind blowing. I’m still shocked,” Lazarre told Chicago’s WGN News on Wednesday.

“After she left, I Googled her name. The lady that was right there talking to me is Amy Schumer. It was amazing. Unbelievable.”

This, combined with Amy buying back her dad’s farm and angering the Beyhive with questionable lip-dub video choices, leads me to believe that Amy might be an ok-sort-of gal. You get the impression that she probably does gross things on dates, but no one’s perfect.


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