Hot Slut Of The Day!
The now retired dandelion crayon!
On Thursday, the day before National Crayon Day, the powers-that-be at Crayola let us know that the color of their hearts is black by announcing that they were murdering Dandelion. The evil tricks at Crayola didn’t exactly say they were murdering Dandelion. They said that Dandelion is ”retiring” from their classic 24-crayon box after 27 years. But please. You know how some parents have told their children that they’re taking the old family dog to live on a “farm“? That’s probably the kind of bullshit Crayola pulled.
They’re going to take Dandelion on a drive to the “luxurious Crayola Retirement Chateau,” which will actually be a fire shooting out of a metal trash can in an alley way and they’ll toss that bitch in.
In May, Crayola will announce the new bitch who’s replacing Dandelion in the classic 24-crayon box. Dandelion, who’s a ‘he” apparently, announced his retirement in this video. Poor trick doesn’t even know that Crayola’s going to off him.
Our beloved Dandelion decided to announce his retirement early! There’s no taming an adventurous spirit! #NationalCrayonDay pic.twitter.com/RMk6pw3jR2
— Crayola (@Crayola) March 30, 2017
Someone on Crayola’s Facebook page asked why couldn’t it have been the white crayon since nobody uses that shit. So yeah, expect Fox News to do a 2-hour special on the threat of white crayon genocide.
But really, even though I barely used Dandelion (I am the problem), it’s still a sad moment in time. And the only way Crayola can make it better is if they announce that replacing Dandelion will be Goldenrod. Goldenrod is the best, because duh, it’s name means “glorious dick.”
Pic: Tumblr