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Fruit Wrinkles!

In the early 80s, Fruit Corners made fruit relevant again when they created the now legendary Fruit Roll-Ups. Fruit Roll-Ups became such a gigantic success that they out-sold actual fruit in the 1980s (Note: This is a statistic that was pulled directly from the Department of Agriculture and I’m Full Of Shit). Because Fruit Corners, which was a brand under General Mills, had a hit with Fruit Roll-Ups, they kept the gummy fruit deliciousness coming. And in 1986, they answered the question: “If fruit had mouths and b-holes and ate a bunch of gelatin, what would their shits look like?”

Fruit Wrinkles were little gummy fruit turds that came in a pouch and they paved the way for Sunkist Fun Fruits and other fruit dingles. For a quick second, Fruit Wrinkles had the trading value of heroin in my elementary school cafeteria. Although, I don’t ever remember a kid wanting to give them up. The best thing my mom packed in my lunch were sliced apples, or maybe a peach, so I was like that bitch who brings a veggie platter to a Super Bowl party. The other kids were always disgusted with me.

Fruit Wrinkles was apparently put down by its distributor, Betty Crocker, in the early 90s. But I’ll always cherish the moments we had together, including all the times I spent using the bottom of my shirt like floss to get out the gummy chunks of Fruit Wrinkles that stuck to my teefs…

Pic: Gone But Not Forgotten Groceries