Open Post: Hosted By A Human Estrella In Space

December 20, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s official. The accounting department at Columbia Pictures can go ahead and declare Passengers a flop and write it off as a loss. If the dried turd reviews don’t cause it to tank this week, this Doritos commercial will. Why bother paying money to see Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt on a spaceship when for the bargain price of zero dollars, you can take in Puerto Rican celestial god Walter Mercado delivering real star power on a spaceship in a commercial that’s only 30 magical seconds long?

The ageless cosmic wonder stars in a Doritos commercial, which starts with him eyeing a ravishing gold lamé space suit in a costume shop. After he puts a Dorito between his perfectly-lined lips, he goes on a journey to your Uranus. I’ll wait here as your anus stops puckering. That journey ends with a different astronaut taking over his gorgeous suit before he becomes an opulent constellation for youngins’ to kiss under.

I think that commercial is Doritos’ way of telling us that they’ve added LSD to their list of ingredients.

And since a post can never have too much Walter Mercado in it, here’s pictures from a few months ago of him greeting his loyal subjects in butch business drag at the LMM International Airport in Carolina, Puerto Rico.

Pics: Splash

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