Ryan Lochte Is Still In Trouble In Brazil

October 23, 2016 / Posted by:

Dancing With The Stars contestant and human “duhRyan Lochte is still facing charges in Rio for filing a false police report. It turns out that the Brazilian legal system is unimpressed by tearful televised apologies, shaking your ass on a reality show and getting quickie engaged so everyone forgets you’re a walking bottle of AXE body spray. All of those attempts to rehab his image were for naught. Fish is still on the menu in Rio’s courthouse cafeteria!

TMZ reports that Aqua-douche’s lawyers tried to have the court case against him thrown out. As you know, Ryan filed a police report and told the world that he and his merry band of underwater frat brahs were held at gunpoint and robbed by dastardly thieves posing as cops after a post-Olympics party in Rio. But the truth was that Ryan vandalized a gas station with his mitts and his piss and security guards rolled up looking for money to pay for damages (or something). The language barrier might have led to some confusion, but Ryan Lochte is still an entitled pinhead in any dialect.

A judge ruled “Eu não penso assim, douche” on the dismissal request and even gave it an upgrade.

A rep for the Court of Justice tells TMZ … a Rio judge kicked Ryan’s false police report case up to the public Ministry of Justice, which will now begin figuring out how hefty of a fine to drop on Lochte.

Jimmy Feigen was the other swimbo in the group to file a report and he had to pay a fine of $11,000 as punishment. Ryan’s fine will probably be higher seeing as he was the mastermind behind all of these tantics. And I should be fined for using the term “mastermind” in conjunction with anything involving Ryan Lochte.


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