It’s The End Of An Era: Richard Simmons’ Studio Is Closing

October 21, 2016 / Posted by:

I almost titled this post “RIP Richard Simmons’ Studio,” but I don’t want to be responsible for the medical bills you’d rack up from going into cardiac arrest after reading, “RIP Richard Simmons.”

TMZ has let us know that if you haven’t already, you will never be able to wipe glitter out of your eyes while watching the magical dandelion in Dolfin shorts, Richard Simmons, sweat the chunk away at his studio in Beverly Hills, CA. Richard hasn’t been seen at his studio for years and now there’s zero chance of him going back since it’s closing its door forever next month. In notices sent to members, Slimmons announced that on November 19th, Los Angeles County will be a lot less glamorous, magical and fun.

Richard Simmons opened his exercised studio, called The Anatomy Asylum, in 1974. The name was eventually changed to Slimmons. That’s where Richard’s rise to the top as the world’s Empress of Weight-Loss started. Richard taught classes there weekly until he retired from the spotlight over two years ago. Since then, the human rainbow in a fro has been a recluse living in his Hollywood Hills house with his housekeeper, who may or may not be a black magic bruja.

Richard barely ever leaves his house, and he says it’s because he’s got a busted knee, but some of his friends say it’s because his bruja housekeeper is holding him hostage. Richard was shuffled off to the hospital in June after his housekeeper claimed he was acting weird. Richard said that it was just dehydration….

Richard’s aerobics videos will live forever, but the closing of his studio is still sad news. Where else will you be able to sweat to the oldies while hoping that maybe, just maybe, Richard will decide to make his triumphant return and bust through the doors in sparkly fuck-me shorts? Once Slimmons closes its doors for good, it will be impossible to sweat to the oldies. Try it. Run in place to a Little Richard song and your pores will stay desert dry. What’s even more depressing is that Slimmons will probably become a bank, or worse, a pressed juice place. It’ll go from being a wondrous wonderland that made people shit glitter to a place that makes people just shit.


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