Chris Brown Is Done Throwing Parties At His House

September 11, 2016 / Posted by:

Can you blame him? How can you even call it a party when you’re not allowed to (allegedly) threaten women at gunpoint? Boring. TMZ is reporting that feminist icon Chris Brown is officially declaring his Calabasas mansion a no-fun zone due to his recent arrest for assault with a deadly weapon. He’s written up a list of rules and everything.

1. No more parties (for now)!

2. His two roommates (ugh, imagine how thirsty you have to be for the celebrity-adjacent freeloading high life to live with that douche?) now have to submit lists in writing (*chortle*) naming any guests, complete with descriptions of them, that they want to bring home.

Can you imagine?

Dear Breezy,

Here’s my list.

1. Steve the drug dealer
2. Girl who will have sex with me to meet you
3. Girl who will have sex with me and our roommate to meet you
4. Girl who will have sex with me, our roommate, and Steve the drug dealer to meet you.
6. Delivery guy from the liquor store
7. Girl who will have sex with me, our roommate, Steve the drug dealer, the delivery guy from the liquor store, and the other three girls to meet you.

Chris is also prohibiting anyone on #TeamBreezy from bringing booze or drugs into the house. The only substances allowed will be provided by him. See, that’s the one rule I would have to dispute if I was a chiseler living in that grossness. Chris throws bags of drugs out the window! How can he expect his tenants not to have back-up drugs on them just in case he starts defenestrating shit again?


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