Hot Slut Of The Day!

BoKu! 

I alway thought that BoKu was born during the golden era of the juice box, the 1980s, but I should’ve known that it slipped into our world in the 90s, when everyone was trying to be sophistimicated and shit. There must have been a ton of growns whose retinas were covered with a heavy layer of jealousy every time they watched a child drink an Ecto-Cooler out in public, because they wished they could freely guzzle down a juice box, but they couldn’t since they’re an adult. So the makers of BoKu made the juice box-drinking dreams of grown-ups come true.

BoKu (which sounds like the name of Hoku’s butch and edgier sister) was pushed as an “adult juice” that came in an adult-sized box for adults! And it didn’t have a straw, because straws are for toddlers. They put out cutting edge and so-adult flavors like White Grape Raspberry and Apple Peach. BoKu came out in 1990 and lasted until the early aughts. To me, the most memorable thing about BoKu were their commercials, which starred humanized bolo tie Richard Lewis and his stunning mullet of pure perfection. Because the 90s were all about darkened lofts, in the commercials, Richard sat in a darkened loft and tried to convince the growns to bring some BoKu into their lives. One good reason to switch to BoKu: It won’t make you burp, because burping is for babies.

Since I’m a grown now, I understand why BoKu didn’t become a classic and last forever. When you call something an “adult beverage,” that shit better contain an adult substance that temporarily numbs adult problems and soothes adult nerves. Juice is not an adult beverage unless that juice is drowning in booze. I mean, adults probably bought BoKu, because in the commercial you’ve got a 90s Richard Lewis, of all tricks, telling you that when he gets invited to a party, he’s bringing his “own BoKu.” That obviously means that BoKu is short for booze, coke and other uppers.