So Yeah, Carrie Bradshaw Really Loves “Hamilton”

May 3, 2016 / Posted by:

Doo doo doo do do do do… bus running over a puddle, aaand, splash! Make way for fashion! Fashion is here! The other hos at the Meth Gala, I’m sure, bowed down and squirted out a tear or two last night because their fashion dreams came true – Carrie Bradshaw was there! Sarah Jessica Parker, who usually shows up in, um, some very… daring?… ensembles, decided to say “fuck it” and rolled on through as Carrie 2k16.

Based on this get up, we can surmise that the movies are not canon and Carrie never married Big and moved into that huge apartment. Based on this, Carrie is still very much single and lives in her cozy little apartment with the closet basically in the crapper. Carrie 2k16 has also not realised that what was once cute in her early-30s, which were in the early aughts, now looks a little, “oh wow… she doesn’t have any real jewelry, huh?” Yes, I’m talking about that Tarina Tarantino looking mess around her neck. Carrie 2k16 has also seen Hamilton and decided to put a modern spin on that shit. The kids like Hamilton and Carrie wants to the kids to like her. She’s still cool, right? Right?!

Sad to say, but I also get the feeling the other girls don’t really talk to her anymore. There’s only so long you can listen to someone talk about shoes and the shitty men they choose to date over and over and over again. Charlotte definitely hit her limit years ago, turned to her one day and said, “Carrie, I have children. I don’t have time for this shit.” Miranda just can’t and Samantha is probably dead, right? That’s why Carrie now has to hang out with hungry, gay lizards like Andy Cohen. Carrie, you gotta move with the times or the times are gonna move without you. Also, how do you still have a newspaper column? I thought print was dead!

Pics: Wenn, Splash

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