Up until yesterday, I had no idea what these things were called. When I was in school, I think we called them “cotton ball things” or “furries” or the “hairy nutsacks of Pacman ghosts.” (No, we didn’t call them that last one. I think. Okay, we probably did.) But they’re called Weepuls! When I learned that, it felt like the “More You Know” star crashed into my face.
Pretty much all kids are back to school today (“Thank GOD” said every stay-at-home parent while morning drinking in a quiet house), so in honor of that, I thought we should pay tribute to these fur balls. Wikipedia says that Weepuls were created by an Oklahoma City promotional company all the way back in 1971.
I didn’t get my first Weepul until around the fourth grade. My fourth grade teacher gave us Weepuls as prizes instead of candy. If someone gave me a Weepul as a prize today, I’d tell them to shove that furry rainbow hairball up their asses, because what am I supposed to do with that? But back then, you’d think a Weepul was made of diamonds and gold, because me and my little classmates treasured them. They had sticky feet at the bottom and we’d stick them to the top of our desks. We flaunted those things like we were Jennifer Aniston and those things were an engagement ring. They were our everything.
I don’t really know what happened to all the Weepuls I had. I probably threw them into the trash and I’m sure they made their way to the landfill where they met up with other thrown away Weepuls. Together, they are creating a billion strong army and are planning to take us all down for using them and throwing them into the trash. I don’t blame them. I surrender to you, Weepuls!