Open Post: Hosted By A Baby Sloth And His Teddy Bear Mommy

August 8, 2015 / Posted by:

Today’s posts were about Donald Trump, Nick Gordon and Pimp Mama Kris, so that calls for a 5,000 grit palate cleanser that’ll scrub away all the ick, nast and depressing shit. This may do it. Here’s a baby sloth named Edward who was recently born at the London Zoo. Edward was named after Edward Scissorhands, because you know, he’s got claws that can give Kathy Baker a super hot new wave hairstyle.

The Telegraph says that Edward’s mommy stopped producing leche when he was just a few weeks old, so zookeepers had to step in. They bottle-feed him now and gave him a teddy bear from the gift shop as a surrogate mommy. Some people’s childhoods probably would’ve been a lot better if a gift shop teddy bear raised them (see: Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen’s twins, etc…).

Never mind that the teddy bear mom is saying, “heeeeeelp me,” with its eyes, this is pure love.

Edward the baby sloth has the same hairline as Teresa Giudice, but of course he works it a million times better. And if Kristen Bell has enemies and they want to destroy her and cause her to combust, they should just show her that video.

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