Open Post: Hosted By Benicio Del Mentiroso

When a reporter brought up the supposed “No Lady Flats On The Cannes Red Carpet” rule at a press conference for the movie Sicario, the movie’s director said that he, Benicio Del Toro and Josh Brolin would all protest that mess by wearing stilettos to their premiere today. Well, the premiere already happened and my body isn’t covered in tingles, which could only mean one thing: those motherfuckers told lies. They did not put on high heels and sissy that walk down the red carpet.

Benicio Del Toro really has no excuse. He can’t even say that he couldn’t find high heels big enough to fit his hooves. I mean, Parasite Hilton is in Cannes and I’m sure she’d gladly let Kimbo Stewart’s baby father borrow a pair of her Louboutin clompers. Yes, Benicio would have to stuff them since they’d be too big even for his feet, but at least he would’ve kept his promise instead of playing with our emotions and leaving us dry. Benicio, Josh and that director dude are like a Grindr trick who tells you he’s going to send you a dick pic and then logs off before doing so. You know you are!

How dare they lie to us like that. Benicio can take that fist and shove it up his ass. (If you do, Benicio, make sure to record it and not in portrait mode, please! We’ve already suffered enough pain from being lied to by you.)

Pics: Splash