Night Crumbs

BREAKING: The permanently miserable goth kids trapped in the bodies of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard smiled at the Mordecai premiere in London tonight. The picture perfect portrait of happiness personified is Amber Heard fake smiling for the cameras and Johnny Deep looking all kinds of deranged as he silently cries for help – Lainey Gossip 

I wish I could find the picture of a 2-year-old me working a baby blue coat at some church thing so that I could prove that Duchess Kate stole my look decades later! – Celebitchy

I’d rather see a grown Paul Pfeiffer in a banana hammock, but I’ll take Winnie Cooper in a two piece, I guess – Drunken Stepfather

Claudia Jordan probably has a sex tape and I’m sure NeNe Leakes would like to know if it was made before or after her clit left her body – Reality Tea

DJ Wonky who? Carmen Electra is here to take away the title of Most Elegant DJ in the World – WWTDD

Universal treasure and the world’s memaw Betty White got a surprise flash mob for her birthday and that’s sweet and everything, but she has a 93 year old heart! Don’t ever bust a surprise on her! – Towleroad

Underneath that block of ice, January Jones is a true feminist who clearly understands the meaning of feminism and the definition of “species” – The Superficial

In “Get It Bitch” news, a chick got her coochie munched at a punk concert. I fully expect Lena Dunham to write this into an upcoming episode of Girls  – Jezebel

Excuse me while I call 911 and ask them to send an eye doctor STAT, because for a second there I thought these pictures of Sophia Bush were Kyra Sedgwick – Popoholic

So I see that the pictures from Bai Ling’s cover shoot for Sports Illustrated Mars: Swimsuit Edition have leaked – Hollywood Tuna 

Almost Oscar nominee Jennifer Aniston took her “Cry For Me” snub tour to Ellen – Popsugar

Jennifer Aniston should have never stopped dressing like this – The Berry 

Martin Freeman might be completely over the batshit crazy Sherlock fans – Pajiba

Yolanda Foster’s Lyme disease has fucked with her ability to write – HuffPo

Emily Blunt is in talks to play the Snow Queen in the sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman. The good news is that this isn’t a Disney movie so bitch won’t be singing that “Let It Go” song all throughout it – ICYDK

Jessie J shows off the fact that she can sing with her mouth closed and I don’t even want to know what that bloated horny ho Harvey Weinstein is thinking – Just Jared

Kanye West should work this look more often. He’s pretty pleasant with his mouth covered – SOW

Greg Plitt, the pure piece of hard muscle from Bravo’s Workout, died after getting hit by a train while filming a commercial – Boy Culture