Open Post: Hosted By Calgary’s Worst Driver

When I first saw the headline “Calgary’s Worst Driver” at Reddit, I thought someone was being ultra overdramatic the way writers were ultra overdramatic by saying that Tommy Girl almost got rammed hard by a big, fat bus in London. But nope, if there was a trophy for Calgary’s Worst Driver, this driver’s name would probably be on it.

Global News says this is 100% real and really happened in the 4000 block of Manila Road in Calgary. The driver spends over 4 minutes trying to get out of a parking lot that most of us (that doesn’t include you Billy Joel or Lindsay Lohan or Brit Brit Spears or Lucille Bluth) would have gotten out of in a quick second. While trying to get out of the lot, the driver of the silver BMW SUV hit a red car and kept on with the fuckery. They did a complete 360 and needed help from a bystander before they were able to drive away. I’m from L.A., so of course I’ve witnessed a lot of driving foolery, but this is just a mess.  Are they fapping and texting at the same time? Is the driver Latarian Milton (I know, that’s offensive to Latarian Milton)? Is the driver a pregnant lady who is giving birth? Is the baby she just gave birth to driving?

I guess those questions will be answered soon, because the police in Calgary are investigating this wreck and have talked to the people involved:

Cst. Jeremy Shaw even went as far as to call the driver of the grey SUV ‘Calgary’s worst driver’ in a tweet on Twitter, after the hit and run.

The incident was reported to CPS Thursday and investigators have spoken to both parties involved.

If Stevie Wonder got so drunk that he lost all feeling in his hands and had to drive with his mouth, he’d still do a better job of getting out of that parking lot than this driver did. The world’s worst parallel parker needs to come and get their Canadian cousin and give them a bus pass.