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Zandar from the 90s board game Ask Zandar!

Zandar was Dumbledore’s fourth cousin who lacked the majestic skills of his relatives, so he had to settle for a gig as a janky, bottom tier future teller in a 1993 children’s board game. Zandar had the SLYIC skills of Miss Cleo’s dried dingle. You didn’t even get to ask him original questions. Each player picked two cards and on each card was a question. You chose which question to ask Zandar and then guessed if he would say yes or no. If your guess matched Zandar’s answer, then you got a “gemstone.” The first player with 5 of those busted gemstones won the game and got a special reading from Zandar.

The special reading from Zandar was also a damn joke. You’d wave a disc with a question on it in front of him and he’d say some canned crap like, “You’re going to get a call about this!” I bet the phone did ring each time and I bet it was a call from Dionne Warwick’s network of physics. Those two schemers were working together.

Ask Zandar taught you one thing: Never trust a wizard with a voice like a parrot doing a Groucho Marx impersonation.

Dumbass Zandar. He was totally the Long Island Medium’s mentor.