Marc Anthony Made Shannon de Lima His Third Wife Yesterday

Wow, that was fast! Literally one week after they announced their engagement, Skeletor (aka Marc Anthony aka The Cryptkeeper’s sexy illegitimate son) and his on-again off-again model girlfriend Shannon de Lima got married. Listen, I’m all for a bitch getting money, but at least take a moment to stretch first! Gold digging is a high-impact activity and you don’t want to pull a muscle!

According to People, 46-year-old Skeletor and 26-year-old Shannon tied the knot on Tuesday in front of friends and family at Snake Mountain at his home in the Dominican Republic. No word on whether or not the ceremony was officiated by Beast Man (I heard he’s an ordained minister of the Universal Church of Eternia).

Unless you’re a 90s-era Guns N’ Roses ran, it probably seems weird to have a wedding in the middle of November. And I’m sure Skeletor would have gotten hitched in the summer like every other wedding type, but he had to take care of his other two marriages first. Both Skeletor’s messy child support money fight with his first wife Dayanara Torres and his divorce from Jennifer Lopez were finalized in June. Like someone’s folksy memaw probably used to say: you gotta clean up one mess before you make another!

I think Shannon is a great match for Skeletor, and it’s not just because she’s clearly brave enough to have sex with a terrifying skeleton-faced man. It’s because Skeletor always looks like tired farted on exhausted, and she’s the perfect height for him to rest his head on her Tempur-Pedic titty balls and take a nap. Shannon, get money bitch! Skeletor, get some Zzzzzs.