Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Heather Graham as Corrine Foxworth in Lifetime’s watered down remake of Flowers in the Attic.

About 20 minutes into the SAG Awards last night, Meryl Streep should’ve ran up onstage and told everyone that the rest of the show has been canceled and the winners will receive their naked fungus man trophies in the mail, because everyone should switch to Lifetime and witness a real acting master at work. Heather Graham as a perfect suburban Stepford wife turned scheming, gold digging cunt succubus of a mother (“That description sounds eerily familiar” – Jon Gosselin) was a revelation and any actors who are hired to play a wooden post in a movie or play will study her performance for inspiration.

Heather was so fucking bad that at one point I thought that maybe she was a thespian genius and meant to play Corrine as though Corrine was an alien who disguised itself as a human to fit in on Earth and was constantly nervous about getting found out. Bitch made Carrie Underwood look like an actual human being who exudes real emotion. Carrie Underwood probably sent Heather a Flowers in the Attic bouquet for making her look like the reincarnation of Katharine Hepburn.

The killer donuts and the nasty brother and sister fuck times shit wasn’t even 1/1000th as horrific as Heather Graham’s acting. It takes a special kind of “actress” (for lack of a better word) to achieve that. I couldn’t find many clips of Heather’s triumphant performance, but Michelle Collins Instagrammed one:

That Kiernan Shipka is becoming a pro at acting opposite soulless, hollow mannequins.

Heather Graham should play every role from now on, because her “performances” give you a good reason to get completely plastered.

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