Hot Slut Of The Day!
Christie Sims, the next E.L. James (hell, I think she’s the next Mark Twain) who is the literary genius behind such dino-porn classics as Taken By The Pterodactyl and Ravished By The Triceratops. Yes, Christie Sims writes dinosaur erotica for sick whores who love nothing more than to do themselves with a plastic T-Rex doll while reading about a triceratops fucking a cave woman. What are you doing with your life?
Before we get into Christie Sims’ literary masterpieces, here’s what she wrote about herself on her Amazon page:
Hi! I’m just a plain old, everyday Midwestern girl that lives a normal life. However, while my outward tastes are relatively simple, my inner thoughts are filled with lusty thoughts of big, strong, powerful monsters having their way with beautiful maidens.
Almost all of my stories fall under the Monster Sex genre, and come from the inner desires that spring from my mind.
Thank you for looking at my author page and thank you for your support. I hope you enjoy these tales of beautiful maidens exploring their lust for these powerful creatures as much as I had writing them.
Oh yeah, Christie Sims is just a plain, old everyday Midwestern girl who passes off a stock picture of some random low-budget Pamela Anderson-looking bikini model as her own picture (that’s so not her) and writes about raptors sticking their raptor peens into human women. Just an old-fashioned girl!
Laura at Jezebel was browsing the classic American authors section of her local library when she came across Christie’s short fuck story In The Velociraptor’s Nest. Laura shared this piece and it kind of reads like something out of Courtney Stodden’s diary.
Azog stood, back to the wall, clad only in damp buckskins, waiting for the beast to slash at her torso until she lay helpless and bleeding on the damp cave floor. She wondered if it would kill her first, or if her limbs would be sliced from her body as the beast gorged on her.
Instead, it reached out with a classed hand to snatch at her damp animal hide as it clung to one shoulder. Azog felt the kiss of sharp claws against her skin as the hide slid from her shoulder and exposed on naked, heaving breast. The raptor paused, curious, sniffing at her as she pressed desperately against the wall.
A reptilian tongue, stiff and hot, dashed out to lick at the tender, naked flesh so suddenly exposed. Azog gasped at the touch, then gradually relaxed as her body warmed to the intoxicating sensation of the beast’s flesh against her own.
She wasn’t sure if her sudden arousal was because of her earlier thwarted climax in the cool stream, or if she was just desperate for one last pleasant sensation before being torn limb from limb by the great, scaly beast. Either way, Azog relished the rasp of its tongue, hot and rough, on her sensitive skin.
If you’re hard for more of this Fifty Shades Of Dino Jizz mess, Bad Lit Makes The World Go Round has a piece from Christie’s Ravished by the Triceratops and read at your own risk, because there’s talk of triceratop foreskin.
Christie isn’t only an accomplished author who should win a Pulitzer for turning (WARNING: clicking that link will either scar every part of your brain or it will give you the sudden urge to fuck a pterodactyl beak) pterodactyl porn into a work of literary art, she also has serious MS Paint skills.
Dear Hollywood, please do something right for once and get Steven Spielberg to direct 3D IMAX movie versions of all of these novels. Matthew McConaughey was born to play the title role in T-Rex Troubles.
And Christie’s books are also highly educational, because I didn’t know that Fredrick’s of Hollywood and Rainbow existed in prehistoric times.