Afternoon Crumbs

Jennifer Lawrence is talking on an invisible phone on the cover of September’s Vogue, which is 902 pages long. So by the time you finish flipping through that shit, it’ll be next September – Lainey Gossip

If Kate Moss is knocked up, then her unborn fetus must feel claustrophobic as Hell thanks to all the coke and beer bloat suffocating it – Drunken Stepfather

Woe is Charles Saatchi – Celebitchy

Gwen Stefani touched her stomach, which means that she’s either going to pop out a baby in a few months or pop out a fart in a few seconds – The Superficial

That stunning Demi Lovato portrait looks more like Lady CaCa before a brow waxing appointment – The Berry

One Direction’s Best Song Ever is actually the Worst Song Ever – Towleroad

Somebody let JWoww into the Teen Choice Awards – Hollywood Tuna

Another mess from Big Brother might leave the house without a job to go back to – Reality Tea

Nicole ScherMINGEr’s giving me some Florida truck stop hooker glamour – Popoholic

Courteney Cox won’t be giving any two-handed hand jobs anytime soon – ICYDK

Ian Somerhalder’s stylist knows that you should always accessorize leather pants with an anal bead bracelet – HuffPo

Stop it, Quentin Tarantino! – Crunk + Disorderly

Somewhere there’s a retired elementary school librarian who is looking at one of her old dresses from the 70s on Christina Hendricks’ body and wondering if she ever filled it out like that – IDLYITW

Would you hit it, because he’d hit you – Popsugar

I’ll pull out my credit card once they come out with a Hawkeye cock ring – Jezebel

If Marilyn Manson hosted paint time at a daycare center…. – Just Jared

Rebel Wilson wins – Moe Jackson

Val Kilmer hasn’t looked this good in a long time, honestly – SOW

A new kind of cheese is forming in Shia LaDouche’s pits, because I don’t think he’s taken that outfit off in weeks – I’m Not Obsessed