Afternoon Crumbs

Guess who stuffed his soft beef wellington peen into too-tight pants before going to the Despicable Me 2 premiere? (Hint: It isn’t Jon Hamm and Lindsay Lohan might’ve brushed up against it once, which is why it looks slightly traumatized) – The Superficial

Subtle shade: Maria Sharapova throws some at Serena Williams – Lainey Gossip

Madge has gone green by recycling her Erotica era – Towleroad

Ashlee Simpson’s in Mexico, wearing a bikini, drinking the sweet nectar, making guacamole with her pestle chin and living the life – Hollywood Tuna 

I would stare at Nicki Minaj’s chichis, but I’m too busy mourning the lives of all the Barbies who were decapitated to make that wig – Drunken Stepfather

Scroll down to the fourth item and you’ll get a daily dose of WTF when you read that Paul Giamatti is doing Downton Abbey – The Berry 

Megan Lewis from Melrose Place might have to start turning high-priced tricks again – Celebitchy

Olivia Wilde looks like she’s filming an ad for Mistresses (yes, I watch that mess and I am not proud to admit it) – Popoholic

TMZ’s source says that North represents the pinnacle of Kim and Kanye’s relationship. I know, TMZ’s source spells “famewhoredom” funny – IDLYITW

The jokes write themselves: La Bruja is in World War Z – Reality Tea

Somebody made an honest ho out of George Lucas – HuffPo

Somebody made an honest ho out of Adam from Girls – Just Jared

Jennifer is a party pooper – OMG Blog

This Is Our Future, Part 6,987 – Videogum

Demi Lovato’s dad passed away – I’m Not Obsessed

PUT THIS FACE ON EVERY MILK CARTON! – Jezebel

This is the face that virgin babies see right before Posh Beckham sucks their innocence out of their mouths – ICYDK

MEG RYAN’S ARM VEIN is the only thing I’m getting from these pictures – SOW

RPattz threw a party and judging by the pics, he invited some of L.A. most refined call girls – Popsugar