Afternoon Crumbs

Goopy Paltrow’s organic, conflict-free, grass-fed nipples made an appearance the other night – Lainey Gossip

JINX MONSOON GOT ROBBED! – Towleroad

Christie Brinkley’s chichis make the most out of a fug dress that looks like floral vomit – Hollywood Tuna

I don’t know if Everly Tatum is sleeping, thinking of breastfeeding on Channing Tatum’s tit or trying to figure out why her daddy is wearing a hoodie he got at that Tijuana border – Celebitchy

Paris Jackson has wonderful taste – The Superficial

“Cameron, can you please move about 45 steps to your left. You’re blocking Kate’s chichis” is probably the most used line on the set of The Other Woman – Drunken Stepfather

You know blind items have ruined you when you see a picture of Giada De Laurentiis and all you can think about is how she’s supposedly the blow job queen – Popoholic

Madame the Puppet looks WHORENDOUS! – Reality Tea

It’s nice to know that you can still get a pedicure in Mordor – ICYDK

Jay-Z tries to out-Kanye Kanye – IDLYITW

Pimp Mama Kris totally hacked into Beyonce’s site and wrote that message. Get the Internetz police on this! – HuffPo

Joe ManJell-O should really look into opening up a topless refrigerator moving service – Just Jared

Justin Bieber will take one of everything – OMG Blog

In case you wanted to know what Liberace’s peen was like…. – SOW

In other words, Amanda Bynes thinks everybody but Amanda Bynes is ugly – Jezebel

Tommy Girl is topless, wet and handling a pole – Popsugar

So this is what happened to Sonny Malone from Xanadu – Videogum

Tyra Banks might have a new piece – I’m Not Obsessed

Jason Statham’s side-eye says everything that needs to be said about Rosie Huntington-Whateverly’s dress – Moe Jackson