Afternoon Crumbs

Jesus resurrected himself just so the stunning German oyster jewel that is Micaela Schaefer could pose  almost-naked in public with a traumatized bunny rabbit. Happy Yeaster (typo and it’s not going anywhere)! – Hollywood Tuna

St. Angie Jo temporarily replaced her huge tacky diamond engagement ring that said “I’M RICH, BITCH!” with a demure gold band that says “I am a serious Goodwill Ambassador” – Lainey Gossip 

Vanessa Hudgens’ song for Spring Breakers murdered my ear drums – Drunken Stepfather

Will Smith only does roles that are as big as his overinflated ego – Celebitchy

On a positive note, at least Jim Carrey isn’t stalking Emma Stone anymore – The Superficial 

Azealia Banks needs to shake out her mermaid weave, because it’s full of delusions – Towleroad

That mannequin is way too manly to pass for Justin Bieber and he wishes he had shark fin arms – Jezebel

Here’s the bloody, cut off ear that some batshit fan sent to Jared Leto. The Beliebers need to step up their crazy – Buzzfeed

James Franco on the Hathahaters and how he said no to Lindsay Lohan’s freckled chocha – ICYDK

So basically Ashley Greene’s neighbors tipped that candle onto the sofa with their minds – IDLYITW

Another day, another set of pictures of Kim Kartrashian looking the worst thing on a dim sum tray – Popoholic

Janice Dickinson or a SANS FARDS Pete Burns? – SOW

This is what Jonathan Taylor Thomas looks like today – Boy Culture 

Suri Cruise is officially taller than Tommy Girl even without heels on – Just Jared

The Photoshop Awards Hall of Fame – The Berry 

That haircut makes Tom Brady look like Leonardo DiCaprio’s Gilbert Grape character all grown up – Popsugar

Lena Headey does Esquire – Hollywood Rag

BREAKING NEWS: The MTV Movie Awards don’t mean shit – Videogum

Good news for the people of France, Halle Berry won’t be terrorizing you full-time for a while – I’m Not Obsessed