When The Look On The Target Dog’s Face Says It All

Believe it or not, that red paint wasn’t on the Target Dog’s face before Xtina crept into his personal space. That’s what happens when Xtina blows a red paint-covered air kiss at your face. The Target didn’t get lipstick over this, because: a) Xtina’s got enough lipstick for the both of them and; b) You know what Xtina does with red lipstick and the Target Dog doesn’t want any part in that.

Everyone on the red carpet at the ALMA Awards in L.A. last night all got the answer to their question “Why does it smell like wet paint, melted mannequins, the inside of a Maaco and the tears of a My Little Pony whose tail was just cut off?” when Xtina sashayed in with ALL THE MAKE-UP on her face. Who ever is in charge of covering her hair with a tarp and blue tape before her make-up artist sprays her down with orange bronzer didn’t do a good job, because there’s gunk all over her hairline. Or so much foundation has seeped into her face that the pores on her hairline are sweating out drops of make-up.

And I kind of want to lay my head on Xtina’s ass and then get up real fast and watch it slowly rise back into place. She’s got one of those Tempur-Pedic asses.