My Barf Will Go On

March 30, 2012 / Posted by:

There’s a good reason for why Kate Winslet looks like a tidal wave of vom just splashed into her mouth and she’s trying to hold it together. You can assume it’s because somewhere nearby someone is playing “My Heart Will Go On” and it’s tickling the wet heaves out of her throat. When that mess first came out, you couldn’t escape it. It was like musical lice. Millions of car radios were destroyed, because radio stations played that shit on a non-stop loop. I knew shit had gone too far when one of my friend’s told me that a singer at a funeral sang that song in Spanish while holding a rose and even did the “I’m flying, Jack!” pose during the last note. Ay├║dame, no puedo! Well, Kate Winslet also can’t stand that song and she told MTV News (via UsWeekly) that it’s like activated charcoal for her soul:

“I wish I could say, ‘Oh listen, everybody! It’s the Celine Dion song!’ But I don’t, I just have to sit there, you know, kind of straight-faced with a massive internal eye roll. [It makes me] feel like throwing up. It’s thrilling for people to surprise me with the Celine Dion song.”

I know that a lot of people ejaculate maple syrup out of their ear holes from listening to the French Canadian nightingale voice of Celine Dion, but maybe Celine’s voice is the reason why the song makes Kate die inside. I bet Kate will be rocked the right way while listening to the only version the world needs:

(Thanks, Doug)

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