Afternoon Crumbs

Katie Price launches her new line of swimwear for delicate flowers like herself who are looking for the perfect bathing suit to really bring out their skankiness. And I’m looking for a bottle of ketchup, because I’d really like to squirt some on Katie Price’s curly fries weave before I nibble on it. – Hollywood Rag

My ass skipped a fart for a second thinking Carol O’Neal was wearing scrunch bottom jeans – Lainey Gossip

Watch yourself, Jennifer Love Hewitt, because RPattz has the phrase “sparkly secret in my pants” trademarked – The Superficial

Fantasia’s relationship is about as messy as what’s going on in her crotch area – Celebitchy

Since Demi Moore is unavailable at the moment, somebody has to feed their ego by posting bikini pictures of themselves to get their Twitter followers to tell them how hot they are, and that somebody is Jaime Pressly – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Ewan McGregor likes it when you think about doing gay things to him – Towleroad

“Oh hi, Memaw White! It’s Michael K, your daughter’s child’s child’s child or something. Have you been getting all the cards I send you every holiday? Oh you haven’t? That’s too bad. Can I have some money?” – Jezebel

Even in gold satin, Whitney Port is still as boring as old baking soda – Hollywood Tuna

Work that mane, SJP – ICYDK

I see you, dude motorboating Katy Perry’s chichis with your eyes – Popoholic

Needs way more afghan hound nipples – The Berry

Katy Perry really wants you to call her a fire crotch – Moe Jackson

Pitt on a hog – Popsugar

Both of these stupid bitches need to have a seat in a therapist’s waiting room – Crunk + Disorderly

Taylor Swift really should’ve worn a marykini if she wants Tim Tebow to give her some time – Just Jared

Even Kim Kardashian’s hair is trying to get away from her ass – Celebslam

About that KONY 2012 video making the rounds… – The Daily What

I have always thought of my butt as a blank canvas – Videogum

I’d rather talk to you about how taking a lot of Vitamin C has made my piss smell like rusty metal, but you’re here for the celeb shit, so here’s a story about Uma Thurman’s baby. – I’m Not Obsessed

David Blaine can retire now – Cityrag