Hot Slut Of The Day!

Tommy, Norway’s official butter ambassador and the soon-to-be named Butter Crisis Director of the United Nations.

Did you tub-a-lard Americans know that Norway is currently suffering through a major and tragic BUTTER CHRIST?! Yes, there are actually living people out there who go to the grocery store and find the butter shelves empty. DRY! This is hard for us fat bitch Americans to believe since we’ve got butter pouring out of our nipple holes. No, we really do. I just squeezed a dollop of Land O’Lakes out of my right one just now. If you run your hand through your fupa crease, you’ll come up with a whole lot of freshly churned yellow cream. Most of us don’t even know what margarine is. Go ask an American what margarine is and they’ll probably tell you it’s what comes out of Marge Simpson’s piss hole (Marge urine…get it…sorry). But they aren’t as butter blessed in Norway as we are and they need our help.

Pry your focus away from the MAC Glass slugs of beauty on Tommy’s mouth and take in his impassioned speech to America about Norway’s dire butter situation. This Leona Lewis-like beauty is pleading to us Americans to stop making jokes about Norway’s butter drought and walk a butter-less mile in their butter-less shoes. There’s not even enough butter to make PUSSYCAT CAKE this Christmas. It’s that serious. So now that the Iraq war is over, we need to give our troops a care package to deliver to Norway. And yes, by “care package” I mean the Mother Teresa of butter: PAULA DEEN. Paula Deen can feed a nation just by rubbing her thighs together. Norway needs her now more than ever.

Cabot 4:14, 14 “Paula Deenus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this butter shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the butter that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the butter that I shall give him shall be in him a well of butter springing up into everlasting life.”

And I know some of you hating bitches might be thinking to yourself that Norway must also be suffering from a tweezer shortage since Tommy’s eyebrows are looking dreadfully furalicious, but it’s not his fault. When your body runs low on butter it attacks the feature that is most precious to us all: our eyebrow situations. Yes, one of the worst symptoms of butterexia is overgrown brows. We must help Norway!

(For Isabelle)