Hot Slut Of The Day!
Calvin Tran from Bravo’s The Fashion Show: Ultimate Colonic – Iman might think that she’s the reigning dragon queen who brings down dynasties with her scripted words of lukewarm bitchery, but Calvin Tran is the real cunt empress who spits out balls of flaming fire while wearing a low-cut manblouse that shows off the gold-plated piece of molten coal in his chest. Just try to destroy Calvin by driving a Singer-brand stake into his heart and he’ll pull that shit out and whittle it into an extravagant piece of jooree that he’ll sell to you at a 200% markup. And you will buy it!
Calvin has been known to call his fellow contestants “dumb bitches” and regularly throws hot glares that make you want to slap yourself for fucking with him. Calvin is OUR kind.
On episode one, Calvin made The Soup’s Joel McHale howl when he uttered the line: “Oh here go hell come.”
In Calvin’s world, hell be a revolving door, or something along those lines.
Calvin continued to show us that acts of fierce cuntery are alive and well in America by delivering these beautiful shiny rubies during last night’s episode, which followed the contestants as they designed a gown for one of the Real Housewives:
Calvin on Teresa from The Real Housewives of NJ: “My eyes contacted right directly to Teresa. Boob hang out, back hang out. It like my kind of girl.”
Calvin on how he’s Midas touching all over those simple bitches: “I never make balls gowns. But making clothes is very easy. For me it’s like children’s play. I can just the touch clothes and they become clothes.”
Calvin when Teresa can’t decide which dress to wear: “This is my fucking design, you wear what I tell you to wear.”
Calvin to one of his teammates: “You think I’m an asshole? Your garment is so ugly, your lady don’t like it….. David can insult me as much as he want, because the dress is ugly as shit.”
Calvin to faux mafia godfather Caroline from The Real Housewives of NJ: “You going to make me angry very, very soon. You keep telling me like I’m a retarded. You keep lecturing me and in a few more minutes I’m going to go and throw a tantrum back, and I’m not very cute when I do that.”
If you didn’t lick your fingers and snap after every single quote, then you’re not ALIVE!