It Must Be True Love

First of all, Mickey Rourke must be washing his face in the ice-cold blended soft bones of fetuses every night, because his mug doesn’t look like a Michael Myers mask that was left out in the sun too long. Mickey’s actually looking good (insert awkward pause and question mark here).

Second of all, this is what true love looks like. Mickey and Jaws are just hanging out at LAX, canoodling, making out, being adorable and sprinkling love all over the place. Wait. Jaws is like half blind or something, right? That would explain it all.

My chihuahua will only let me hold him like this when I’m wasted. He must love the smell of hot booze on my breath. It reminds him of his whore mother who he still holds a place in his heart for even though her trick ass abandoned him! Yes, I went there.