The Dolphin Boy Is Sorry (He Got Caught)

The God of the Sea, Michael Phelps, admitted it was him giving a bong blow job in the picture that has now become my new iPhone wallpapers. Was there even any argument if that was Phelps in the picture? I’d recognize that butterface if he had two paper bags over his head was 10 Olympic pools away and the lights were out. For real.

Tokerhead Michael Phelps issued this little statement to AP: “I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Bitch is just sorry he was stupid enough to let someone take a picture of his ass in action. You better not get caught again, Phelps! Seriously, take that bong to a private area, so whores can’t ruin the fun! I hope Debbie Phelps slapped him with her Chico’s clutch for getting caught. The bitch who leaked this picture should be thrown in a damn jail cell without weed for a year. I’m assuming they were in on the ganja fun too. They broke the stoner’s code: stoners don’t rat out fellow stoners. FOR SHAME.

And this isn’t even a big deal. It’s not like he was snorting heroin off of a baby’s ass while giving the Hitler salute. It’s nothing.

I would’ve gotten “MY ASS LIPS TINGLE FOR PHELPS” tattooed on my nalgas if he just said, “Yeah, I smoke weed. You should too.”