Godfather John

Poor Emo Baby already has two dirty tampons for parents, a major vagina for a pepaw, a raggedy dildo for an auntie, and now she’s going to have a major douche for a godfather. Homegirl is screwed. Get the emancipation papers ready.

Some nosy skank told The Sun that Pete Wentz will ask John Mayer to be Emo Baby’s godfather. Asshole Simpson agrees because the bitch can’t think for herself.

The source said, “Pete and John have been spending a lot of time together lately and they get on so well. They are firm friends. John gets a bad rap and is always portrayed as a bad boy but he’s got a heart of gold. Pete and Ashlee know that and they think he would make a great godparent. But they are holding back asking him at the moment because they are not sure how Ashlee’s sister Jessica would feel about her ex having such a strong link to her new niece.”

How Jessica is going to feel? Papa Joe will never let this happen. He already has his own ideas of who the godparents should be. He’s going to sell the exlusive rights to some corporation. So don’t be surprised if it’s announced that Manic Panic and Hot Topic are Emo Baby’s godparents.

Here’s Emo Baby’s godfather leaving the gym yesterday. He would be kind of hot if it wasn’t for that fugly rose on his shoulder. The last thing I want to see when I’m riding is the pony is a big, fat rose. Roses make me think of Rose Nylund which makes me think of Betty White. You do not want to be thinking about Betty White when you’re getting it in the prune hole.