HoHan’s Secret Sister!

Just when I’m beginning to think that all the HoHan drama is dying down, Michael Lohan has to open his big mouth and start yapping. Michael told OK! Magazine that HoHan has a secret sister. In case you didn’t know, this is how the Lohans communicate with each other. They blab to the press.

Michael confessed to doing sexy times with some other bitch while he was separated from White Oprah. The bitch he was fucking contacted him years later and said she had his child.

The bitch told OK! that Michael has talked to his secret daughter several times and even called her on her 13th birthday this month. Michael has never visited his secret daughter and has never given her any of HoHan’s hard-earned cash. Well, he doesn’t have any dough. Secret daughter’s mommy said, “It’s time for Michael to take responsibility.”

In my lesbian soap opera fantasies, HoHan’s secret sister would be revealed as none other than…SAMRO! No, she doesn’t have the Lohan’s trademark orange skin. Yes, she’s like ten years older than HoHan, but let a homo dream!

And expect a 30-page statement from White Oprah in 5….4…3…