I know we joke a lot about Justin Bieber living his life like an unsupervised child with a checking account, but this latest stunt is straight out of elementary school. Back in May 2016, an indie artist named Casey Dienel accused Justin and Skrillex of jacking a sample from her song Ring The Bell and using it without permission in the opening of Sorry. TMZ says that Justin Bieber was scheduled to attend a deposition last week to give his testimony about that. We all know how seriously Justin Bieber takes depositions (not very). But this time he couldn’t even be bothered to show up. He called in sick. Coincidentally, I believe most people are sick to death of his bullshit. But Casey Dienel’s lawyers think he was faking and they’ve got receipts.
No, you’re not looking at a picture of your 12-year-old cousin Jayden after he stole a beer bottle out of the recycling bin and snuck up to his room with his mom’s old iPhone to take bad boy selfies. It’s Justin Bieber, and if you can imagine, this story involves him doing something far brattier with a beer and a cellphone. And it might end up forcing him to break open his piggy bank and hand over $100,000.
TMZ says that a man named Robert Earl Morgan has accused Justin Bieber of wrecking his phone at a club in Houston, TX last month. According to the lawsuit, Justin was clearly all excited to be staying up way past his bedtime, because he was acting like a hyperactive nuisance. After he put out a cigarette on his friend’s arm, he allegedly grabbed a beer bong and tried to chug it. Unfortunately, most of the beer ended up all over his face and shirt. Robert had his phone out and was recording the whole thing, which is nice, because who wouldn’t want a video of their first beer bong? Not Justin, apparently. Robert alleges that once Bieber realized he was being filmed, he grabbed Robert’s cellphone and smashed it.
Robert wants more than just a new phone from Justin. Robert wants money, and lots of it. According to Robert, his phone was worth more than a couple hundred dollars. He claims he never got his SIM card back, and it contained pictures from his grandma’s 100th birthday and 5000 pictures from traveling. He also says it contained a bunch of business contacts, losing which have fucked him over, work-wise. He’s suing for up to $100,000.
Justin’s people haven’t said anything about this situation. However, when asked for comment, the tiger that was forced to hang out with Justin Bieber and his dad last weekend said: “He smashed the phone? So there’s no photographic proof that it happened? God, why didn’t I think of that. I’m still too embarrassed to show my face around the other tigers.”
That’s not a picture of the friends Justin Bieber pulled a drink-and-dash with. At least I don’t think it is. I mean, forget about engaging in some bad kid brat shit with him – most of them look like they don’t even really want to be seen on stage with him.
Regardless of who helped him, TMZ says the ringleader was Justin Bieber and that he can now add Bar Tab Bailing to his bad boy resume. The soggy Coffee Time cruller was in Seattle, WA preparing for the opening night of his Purpose tour. A source tells TMZ that on Sunday night, Justin and seven of his friends went to a bar called The Whisky Bar. Justin and his friends ordered a round of $15 whiskey shots. Just think of the muscles that were pulled halfway to death while Justin tried desperately not to make an “Ew, yucky” face after tasting whiskey for the first time.
Justin Bieber Wants You To Know He Totally Could Have Beat Up The People Who Kicked Him Out Of Tulum
Justin Bieber, who totally looks like the kind of dude you meet on Tinder who says he “works in fashion” and then two days later you catch his ass fluffing sweaters at H&M in that picture above, recently spoke to GQ about a bunch of things. One of which was that time back in January when he acted like a piece of garbage at the Mayan ruins and got kicked out of Tulum. Or wherever he thinks it happened, because according to Justin: “I forget where it was. It wasn’t Tulum.” I’d say that’s our cue to add My First Maps to Bieber’s Amazon wish list, but it would be a waste. At this age, all he’s gonna do is chew the corners and spill apple juice on the pages.
No, that’s not the skateboard ramp in question; that’s just the one Justin Bieber helped build in his backyard with the set of Cool Tools that Santa gave him for Christmas.
TMZ says that Canada’s perpetual bratty 6th grader pulled a bit of a brat move recently. Justin was supposed to make an appearance at Montreal’s Beachclub (you know, the same place Kylie Jenner celebrated her 18th birthday) today, but he changed his mind. Sources say Justin decided to bail because the promoter only paid half his allowance. According to the contract he signed, Justin would get half his appearance fee up front and the other half two days before the event. Well, two days before came and went, and his piggy bank never saw the rest of the money, so he crossed his arms and told them to find another marginally-talented toddler.
Here’s where the bratty part comes in. TMZ says Beachclub built a $20,000 custom floating skateboard ramp just for Justin Bieber’s appearance. No word on whether or not it was Justin’s idea, but I can’t see why anyone would sink $20,000 into a floating pile of plywood unless some spoiled asshole pulled a Veruca Salt and demanded they do it.
Justin’s people say they gave the promoter a second chance to hand over the money, but it never happened. The promoter has since gone MIA. A rep for Beachclub tells TMZ:
“We are incredibly disappointed and upset by the lack of professionalism exhibited by Team Productions (the event’s promoter) in violating their contract with Justin Bieber and disappointing the thousands of fans that were going to flock to Beachclub today.”
“Oh, don’t worry – we’re not disappointed” said everyone at Beachclub today.
I do feel a little bad for Beachclub, though. They spent all that money, and Justin Bieber never got to use their skate ramp. Maybe if they want to recoup some of that cash, they could sell that floating curved barge to Jon Hamm. I’m sure The Hammaconda has always wondered what it would be like to go swimming without sinking straight to the bottom.
Earlier this week, it was reported that the demonic come-to-life Bratz doll known professionally as Ariana Grande made her assistants carry her around like a baby whenever she got too tired to walk. Of course, Ariana’s rep (a talking hairbrush with PTSD from being thrown against the wall during countless temper tantrums) denied that she had ever pulled such a diva baby bitch move and that her minions never transported her spoiled princess-style. However, the Detective La Toyas over at Jezebel are calling bullshit, because they’ve got PROOF.
Jezebel has collected several pictures that show 21-year-old Ariana Grande being carried around like a baby (like the one above from Ariana’s Instagram showing her too tie-tie to walk after a video shoot), although I don’t know if their evidence will hold up in a court of law, considering none of the pictures show her being carried around in a Baby Bjorn like an actual baby. It might be enough to get a verdict of “THAT’S BALONEY!” from Judge Judy, so who knows.
And now that we know she forces her assistants to carry her like a baby, it shouldn’t be at all surprising when we hear a rumor that she also makes her assistants spoon-feed her din-din and read her no fewer than 6 stories before she goes night-night. “Did you hear that? It sounds like Ariana is fussy…somebody better go blow a raspberry on her tummy before she has a pre-nap meltdown and starts destroying shit.”
Here’s Ariana earlier today walking like a big girl from her vroom-vroom into the Billboard Women in Music Awards: