Pauly D Allegedly Got “Ab Etching”

You know how the Jersey Shore douches are all about that GTL (gym, tan, laundry) life? Well, that was years ago and now sources are saying that Pauly D is currently more about that PTL (plastic surgery, tan, laundry) life, because they say his hard cum gutters are from something called ab etching.

Pauly is currently chilling in Cancun where he’s been filming the revival of MTV’s Spring Break (Now With Less Roofies). I’m just kidding–there’s probably the same amount of roofies going on. Just like the Jersey Shore reunion and The Hills reunion, MTV can’t seem to let anything die. So Pauly has been flouncing around shirtless and buzzed in Mexico trying to make some good TV moments with his Jersey Shore co-star Vinny Guadigno, while surrounded by completely blackout co-eds.

While flouncing his man-meat on the beach, people were catching views of the abs he got from hours and hours of lifting heavy things and putting them down and crunching your muscles in this direction and that direction for this amount of seconds in two rows of six or whatever the shit people do at the gym. …Or was something else going on?

A source “close to the star” tells The Blast that Pauly actually is not totally ripped from just the gym. The source claims that Pauly’s abs are a result of abdominal etching treatment. omewhere The Situation is sweating (“I can’t get exposed for tax evasion and fake abs!”). Apparently this procedure “accentuates existing muscle by removing fat around the muscles, which produces the coveted washboard.” Pauly D does deserve some of the credit for his look, though, because apparently having abs to accentuate makes the whole thing look more ab-tastic.

Well it is 2019, so I guess I’m happy to see that even the useless male ‘celebrities’ are going under the knife to keep up with society’s obscene demands for beauty and perfection. That’s equality, right? Everyone suffers the same?

Pic: Backgrid