Today In “Who Said It?” A Pissed-Off Real Housewife At The Reunion Or Trump? 

June 29, 2017 / Posted by:

Early this morning, millions on Twitter woke up to this line: “She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!”

Without seeing who tweeted it, many probably thought the Real Housewives of New York City reunion aired last night and Bethenny said that shit to Ramona. But that tweet came from a much, much bigger, pettier and cattier mess, which shouldn’t come as a shock to anybody since Donald Trump is ten seconds away from tweeting, “Turn on your location, you hag bitch!” at someone.

I have a feeling that Trump’s people have already hid his phone in a place he’d never ever look (under a copy of the Constitution), so today, he snuck into a stairwell in the White House and grabbed the burner phone he keeps hidden behind a pipe to read a trick who dared call out his foolery and criticism him. Instead of, I don’t know, running the country, Trump ran his fingers over to Twitter to spit at the hosts of MSNBC’s Morning Joe. Since Trump’s favorite form of cardio is flaring his chapped b-hole as he watches the morning shows and rages over what the hosts say about him, he obviously watched Morning Joe and saw host Mika Brzezinski make fun of the fake Time cover he has in his golf clubs. Also on today’s show, Mika said that it’s crazy how the leader of the country is reading someone’s looks, and if the boss of any company got caught doing that, they’d probably get fired.

Trump did prove Mika right when his response to her was basically: Fix your face! Trump said that he heard (please, his eyes were glued to that show) Mika had something to say about him and so he decided to spill a little gossip by saying that she looked too busted to sit with him at Mar-A-Lago on New Year’s Eve. Trump stays fixated on the bodily fluids of women. He also called her dumb and called both she and Joe Scarborough crazy.

Early this year, it was reported that Mika and Joe partied with Trump for New Year’s at Mar-a-Lago and he thanked them for their support, but Joe denied they were “partying with Trump.” Pictures of Mika that night have been making the rounds, and either Trump is lying or nobody got a picture of her bleeding from the eyes from being in his presence.

Mika’s only response, so far, has been this:

And as for the anti-cyberbully advocate of our time, Melania Trump defended him. I guess cyberbullying is wrong and a crime unless it’s done by the asshole who’s paying off your black AMEX every month:

Yes, we could all write 10,000 words about this, but why when current reigning Hot Slut of the Year, Ana Navarro, said it all:

Time of my death: When Ana Navarro said, “GO KNIT!”

Pic: Getty

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