And I still write about Joe Jonas talking about his dick because dick.
Seen above demonstrating my favorite way to pop pimples, Joe Jonas did a Reddit Ask Me Anything (via Vulture) yesterday and he spilled out the name of who fucked his purity ring off and also said the same thing he said to Andy Cohen last July: he’d like to believe he’s got the biggest dick out of all his brothers. You know, these Jonas Brothers keep pandering to us peen lovers by talking about which one of them has got the biggest dick. They need to settle this already in an HD pay-per-view dick measuring event. I volunteer to be the ruler. In the meantime, after the cut are the answers that Joe dribbled out when asked about his peen, his brother’s nipples, his man crushes and more.
Joe on getting his v-card taken away by someone named Ashley, and no, he’s not talking about Ashley Hamilton. He’s talking about Ashley Greene:
I lost my virginity to this girl named Ashley. You can probably just Google it. It’s pretty easy to figure out. I dated a girl named Ashley, so just Google it to figure out which Ashley that is. It’s quite the great story because I didn’t have any condoms, so I went to our drummer, Jack’s room, who was my roommate at the time and I demolished his room looking for them. Found them underneath his underwear drawer. When he came home, he thought somebody broke into his room because his whole room was demolished because I was in dire need. Needed to happen then and now. Safety first, kids.
Joe on if his dick could easily pin down his brothers’ dicks in a dick wrestling match:
I like to think so. Although, it’s not often that I’m in a locker room or shower with my brothers, so I couldn’t really tell you. But, I’d like the Internet to believe that I’m still killin’ it.
Joe on Nick Jonas’ pepperoni nipples:
Nick’s nipples are not as big as they may appear. It did take multiple surgeries to get them down to a normal size. I think it was like 30-40 surgeries to just get them to a little quarter shape.
Joe on his biggest man crushes:
I have a few. One being Daniel Craig. I have had multiple Daniel Craig birthday cakes in my life. One was a photo of him coming out of the water from Casino Royale and they made it into a cake. Obviously, Matthew McConaughey is one, too. I think he’s the man. So, between those two, there’s a lot of man crushing going on.
Also, I’m pretty into this guy, Ken Bone, recently, tbh. He kind of takes top of the list for me. Depending on who he votes for.
C’mon Ken, we’re believing in you. Don’t let us down!
Joe on the half boner he got while shooting a humping scene with Charlotte McKinney for his band’s video:
Thank you very much about saying it’s tastefully sexy. There was definitely some half chubbing going on during the video. I wouldn’t say a full blown boner, but I would say a haflie. I mean it’s kind of hard not to in that situation especially when you’re trying to be intimate, and also they put us in an elevator, me and Charlotte McKinney who I’m sure Reddit is very familiar with. They put her in an elevator with me and then they had kind of a hidden camera filming this whole time, and I had a great time doing the video.
Also, during our Toothbrush video I worked with Ashley Graham and the first thing out of her mouth – I never told anybody this – she actually said if you get a boner I’m gonna start to laugh, so that was how she broke the ice to get us comfortable on set
Ugh, thanks to Joe’s thirsty ass saying that his peen got al dente in the video for Body Moves, I had to rewatch that mess so that I could look out for a “halfie.” To quote Hailey Glassman the first time she saw Jon Gosselin naked: “I didn’t see shit down there!” (And yes, I just brought up Hailey Glassman’s name in 2016.)
So, Joe is going to need to reshoot this video again. And this time, Charlotte McKinney should wear chonies with a shirtless Daniel Craig on them so Joe gets a full chub.