Damage Control Alert: Ryan Lochte Got Engaged
Yesterday, Ryan Lochte’s Damage Control Tour made a stop in Malibu, CA where he proposed to a Playboy model whose name he probably always forgets. Because while in Rio for the Olympics, Ryan denied having a girlfriend and wanted everyone to think that his dick was free to dive into poon after poon. But when you really want to take your image from “party douche liar” to “wholesome family man,” you do desperate shit, like get engaged to a Tinder trick you’ve known for less than a year.
Yesterday, 32-year-old Ryan Lochte posted the above picture on Instagram after his 25-year-old girlfriend Kayla Rae Reid said “JEAH!” to marrying him. Nothing says genuine romance like posting a kissing selfie on Instagram a quick minute after getting engaged. Ryan captioned that pic with: “Memories forever!!!#thelochtes #LA”
People says that Ryan rented a helicopter and brought along a photographer, because what’s the point of getting engaged if a photographer isn’t there to take Hi-Res pictures to give to the magazines?!
The swimmer surprised his bride to be with a private helicopter tour of Los Angeles which culminated with a sunset proposal overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Lochte proposed with a custom-designed platinum ring featuring a Radiant cut diamond, the rep confirmed. The couple has yet to set a wedding date.
UsWeekly says that Ryan and Kayla have been bumping fuck parts full-time since March and they may have met through Tinder.
You know, I really shouldn’t be such a cynical bitch, because I’m sure Ryan and Kayla will last forever and their bond will never be broken. And we’ll all realize how strong their love is when their inevitable E! reality show The Lochtes airs and we all watch a romantic bubble bath scene where Kayla makes a “Bitch better not make me sign that prenup” face after a giggly Ryan tells her that he just pee peed on her back.
And here’s the couple who will definitely restore everyone’s faith in marriage outside of some L.A. club in August:
