Open Post: Hosted By Bear’s “Bulge”

March 7, 2016 / Posted by:

If you’re like me (desperate, hard-up, thirsty and get the tingles for anything that sort-of-kind-of-not-really resembles a dick), then this post is for you! By the way, using the word “thirsty” in a post about Bear “Piss Queen” Grylls probably wasn’t a good idea.

On the British variety show Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway, the hosts pulled a prank on Bear Grylls, but The Mirror says that many people weren’t laughing, because they were too busy slobbering all over the possible Hammaconda Jr. situation going on in his pants. Bear and his wife Shara Knight (yes, the wife who’s wearing a ring with his dried ass crack juices on it) went to dinner at one of those restaurants where you eat in the dark. When the lights went out, waiters bumped into Bear on purpose, dishes broke around him and they put Gummi Bears in his food. Shara was in on the prank. When the lights came back on, Ant and Dec popped up in bear suits and let Bear know that they got his ass. After Bear got out of his chair, people watching wondered if that was an enema he keeps in his pocket just in case he gets stranded on a raft and needs to keep from dehydrating, or was he just happy to see us.

Thankfully, someone put together a very important Detective Courtney Love-like video where they slowed it down and put a red circle around the possible peen print. This video has 3,307 views and 3,306 definitely came from me alone. I know, I’ve already seen Bear’s frozen peensicle out in the wild and yet I still spent a lot of time with this dumb video.

Since Bear apparently fakes a lot, that shit in his pants could be fake. Or it could just be an iPhone. I’m mad that nobody in that restaurant noticed the bulge and screamed, “HEY SIRI,” at it to see if it would talk back.

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