Tori Spelling’s Drunk Alter Ego Is A Public Pissing Fiend Named Terri

February 10, 2016 / Posted by:

Thanks to a preview of tonight’s episode of Kocktails With Khloe, a show that won’t be followed by the words “…has been kancelled” for at least 15 more episodes, I can now add one more reason to the ever-growing list of why I kurse the Kardashian name. And that reason has to do with the fact that I now have a mental picture of a sloppy Tori Spelling popping a squat and using her living room carpet like a litter box assaulting my brain.

In a clip from tonight’s episode, Tori admits that when Tori gets drunk, she turns into Terri. According to Tori, Terri – which is short for TerriTORI, because EVERYTHING is a tori pun with this trick – is a fucking mess who pisses under the table and in potted plants. Basically, Terri is the poor (and I mean poor) man’s Jennifer Lawrence.

Somewhere there’s an incontinent Cocker Spaniel who is thinking: “Bitch stole my look AND my moves? Rude.

Tori claims Terri doesn’t come out that often because she has kids. But I bet it’s because she needs to stay sober enough to make sure The Deaner’s drunk alter ego, The Wiener, doesn’t cause too much damage. It’s really not that tough of a job; she just has to have an extra set of pants ready for when he wakes up in the shed after a night of pounding brewskis and realizes he’s pissed himself. “Aw shit, looks like The Wiener struck again! Tori, do me a favor and grab the garden hose? I wanna rinse off real quick.

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