Chris Brown was scheduled to be on The Daily Show last night, but it was Nick Cannon who sat across from Trevor Noah and not the ingrown hair clinging to humanity’s asshole. Chris was reportedly replaced after several TDS staffers screamed “OUTRAGE!” over him being booked. On top of that, Chris Brown’s upcoming tour dates in Australia and New Zealand were flushed down the toilet, because his lawyers were unable to convince officials to un-ban his ass.
The Daily Beast said on Monday that the staff of TDS had a meeting to talk about how some of them were shaking their heads over Fisty being a guest. Trevor Noah suggested that they use Chris’ time in the seat to talk about domestic abuse. Trevor’s father beat his mother repeatedly. Some side-eyed Trevor’s idea since Trevor once made a RiRi beating joke on Twitter. A rep for the TDS didn’t confirm that they kicked Chris Brown’s ass off of the show. They only said that they hope to “reschedule” him in the future. Meanwhile, The Daily Show has announced that next week they are pleased to welcome Sean Penn, Yanni, Mel Gibson and Terrence Howard to the show! No, they didn’t say that…yet.
Chris Brown has shown us time and time again that he’s every kind of reasonable and is as calm as a blissed out manatee. So bringing up his lady beating ways in front of him would’ve been a wonderful idea. Chris Brown would’ve transformed into the Hulk as Trevor Noah screamed, “Don’t punch me! I have a penis! I have a penis!”
As for Chris Brown’s tour through Australia and New Zealand…
In September, immigration officials in Australia let Chris Brown know that he better start shopping for Yorkie costumes and come up with a plan to sneak onto Johnny Depp’s private jet, because that’s the only way he’s getting into their country. They told his people that they were planning to deny him a visa based on what he did to RiRi. His lawyers tried to get Australian officials to change their minds, but their minds never changed. So Chris canned the tour and also pulled his visa application with New Zealand. Chris’ rep told Rolling Stone that he’s hoping the tour will happen in the near future. Uh huh…
I see what’s going on here. Canada and Britain banned Chris Brown too. It’s obvious that Canada, Britain, New Zealand and Australia hate the US, because they are trying to keep Chris Brown inside of us! We see how it is.
And I have a feeling that Chris Brown’s week is about to get a whole lot worse. Someone’s abuelita is going to place charges against him for theft after finding out that he stole the jacket (see: above) she liked to wear while power walking through the swap meet on a cold Saturday morning.