Justin Bieber And Calvin Klein Really Want You To Believe He Wasn’t Photoshopped To Death In Those CK Ads
The jubilant sound of HAHAHAHAHAHAs filled the air yesterday as an alleged unretouched photo from Justin Bieber’s Calvin Klein sexy toddler training pants campaign leaked onto the internet and we all got to see just how much Photoshop it takes to turn a bratty preteen ferret into a buff bratty preteen ferret. However, one person was not laughing, and that somebody was the bratty ferret himself, Justin Bieber.
According to TMZ, Justin’s team (who I like to imagine is just his loser dad texting from a pile of Molson empties beside the pool) has threatened to sue the website that released the pre-Photoshop photo, BreatheHeavy.com, for defamation unless they remove the picture. They claim the pic of his teeny weeny peeny is fake and “damaging” his brand. Rugrat, please – your brand is so damaged, you could find it in the As Is section of IKEA.
Calvin Klein has also come to his defense by Tweeting the above not-shopped picture of Justin stripped down to his naptime shorts at Fashion Rocks in September. Notice how they chose a picture where you can’t make out his crotch area? I see you Calvin Klein.
Even though he’s about 2 bad investments away from an appearance on Dancing with the Canadian Stars, Justin Bieber currently still has the kind of money that could sue your ass into the ground, so it should come as no surprise that BreatheHeavy.com yanked the pic and issued an apology. They also say that Justin Bieber’s trainer Patrick Nilsson can confirm that the Justin does, in fact, have junk in the front trunk:
“I can definitely confirm that he is a well-endowed guy. I sound weird saying that, but yes.”
Somewhere in a random beige kitchen, Chris Hansen just pushed out a chair for Patrick. And it’s not just Justin’s bulge that needs defending; Calvin Klein has also told UsWeekly that he was a perfect gentleman on set who totally didn’t hit on model Lara Stone like a horny teenager the second his balls dropped. Well, that one I do believe. If sex ed has taught me anything, it’s that you have to have hit puberty first before you start getting the hornies.