Tom Hardy Might Have Gotten Secret Married Two Months Ago

September 21, 2014 / Posted by:

In case you’re wondering, he maybe got secret married to the one on the left; I thought I’d specify, because if you’re anything like me, you heard the words TOM HARDY and MARRIED and secretly hoped it was to a dog. No, according to the Mirror, Tom Hardy (seen here wearing what appears to be a pair of jeans he got from an NSYNC garage sale back in 2003) got secretly married to his girlfriend of 5 years Charlotte Riley over two months ago. Secret weddings – so hot right now!

A source claims the two tied the knot on July 4th at a fancy-ass 18th Century castle in the South of France in front of a small group of friends and family, including Tom’s six-year-old son Louis with actress Rachael Speed. No word on whether their dog Woodstock (seen above, looking all kinds of adorable) took part in the ceremony, but I’ll just assume he was the best man, because imagining a dog in a doggy-tuxedo is a mental picture that always takes me higher.

Charlotte has admitted in the past that she always wanted to get married, but that she would never plan an obnoxiously tacky charade of a wedding like some people, saying: “We are desperate to do it, but I’ll never have a celebrity wedding. It will be low-key, with family and friends.” And it sounds like that’s exactly what they got. A “family source” (aka chatty Aunt Carol) told The Sun:

“It was a beautiful, low-key day made even more special because they just had their closest friends and family around them.Tom’s son Louis played a key role during the ceremony. And they made certain to pick a stunning and private setting. There was nothing flash about the wedding, they always said they wanted it to be about the two of them and their family rather than any grand gesture.”

Oh, Aunt Carol – that gossip-loving trick. Tom and Charlotte try to hold a low-key secret wedding and you run off and spill the beans to the press. You can’t ever trust Aunt Carol! Aunt Carol will un-secret your secret every time! And yet, that loose-lipped bitch still said NOTHING about Woodstock! Goddamn it, Carol, get your shit together! I wanna know about Woodstock! Did he get so drunk at the reception that he tried to hump the priest’s leg? Come on Carol, spill it!

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