She probably just found out that Jennifer Lawrence is dating both John Mayer AND Chris Martin and it drove her over the edge….
Whenever you see a screen shot of a video starring a blonde rod of range in a tank top throwing two fuck yous in front of a palm tree, you shrug and say to yourself, “Oh, Florida.” But surprisingly enough, this mess didn’t go down in Florida. It happened all the way in Honolulu, Hawaii. Ryan Arakaki, the dude who shot the video, writes in the YouTube description that he was driving behind this Minivan Mom and she kept looking down at what he thinks was her phone. She had a bunch of space in front of her, so he switched lanes and got in front of her. Some moms have a throbbing ball of sheer rage living in their bodies and they’re just waiting for some trick to screw with them so they can let it out. So when Ryan cut her off, she brought out the rage and ear punched him with a string of curse words.
Ryan writes that she rode his ass hard and at one point she switched into the lane next to him and tried to run him off the road. Sarah Palin’s Hawaiian cousin pulled up next to him and turned the inside of her minivan into a classroom at Road Rage Elementary by teaching the poor kid next to her how to properly overreact and go insane on a driver. I believe the children are our future and I believe we owe it to them to teach them useful words like ASS-HOLE. This crazy mom agrees with me, obviously. Ryan says that he eventually drove into the parking lot of a shopping center. Dude should’ve driven into the parking lot of a weed dispensary, because angry mom definitely needed a dose of the good shit. After he drove into the parking, angry minivan mom jumped out, got in his face, called him a “fat boy” and threatened to “fuck him up.”
If Lifetime did a reboot of Falling Down for the minivan-driving set, that video would be its trailer.
After the video went viral, the NOT THE ONE minivan mom told KITV4 that she doesn’t regret bringing the crazy on him, but she does regret spitting out a bunch of fuck words.
Kimberly Ong said that after Ryan cut her off, he kept poking at her and so she finally lost her mind and then some:
“I was super, super angry. I really was angry. And, of course, he was taunting me somewhat. So, that obviously made me even more angry. I’m not the most happy about it. But, I could have probably chose some better words to use. I was upset and it’s apparent. I don’t totally 100 percent regret it.”
Ryan filed a police report and the police say they are treating the case an “unauthorized entry into a motor vehicle.”
The moral of this story is that if someone cuts you off, it’s probably not a good idea to try to run them off the road before leaving your kid in the car all by himself while you flip off the driver and threaten to fuck his fat boy ass up. Because that driver may be filming the entire mess and he may upload it to YouTube and then everyone will see that you don’t know how to flip the bird right. That’s the most mangled double fuck you I’ve ever seen. That shit needs subtitles.
And when she called Ryan a “fat boy,” it felt like she was speaking directly to me, because I found myself staring at the delicious MSG emporium known as Panda Express behind her.
(Thanks Betty and Alan L.)