CeeLo Green Doesn’t Know How Rape Works

September 2, 2014 / Posted by:

A couple of years ago, a woman told police that while on a date with CeeLo Green, he allegedly snuck MDMA into her drink and after she passed out, he raped her. At the time, the long-lost twin of Pile of Chet from Weird Science admitted to “giving” the woman MDMA and having sex with her, but denied raping her. CeeLo was charged with drugging the woman, a felony, and the rape charge was dropped due to lack of evidence. CeeLo recently pleaded no contest” to the drugging charge and he was sentenced to probation and community service. CeeLo probably should’ve left it at that, but he just couldn’t help himself. Yesterday on Twitter, CeeLo dribbled out an incoherent shit stream of words where he said that it’s only rape if the person is conscious. Satan, please come and get your child, because it’s too early in the week for dumbassery like this.

Before CeeLo hit the delete button on all of his tweets, Love B. Scott (via Buzzfeed) got screen shots of them. CeeLo tried to school his followers on the true meaning of “rape” by telling them that it’s not rape if the person who was raped doesn’t remember they were raped. What in “tree falling in a forest” HELL is this midget T-rex talking about? The tweets are after the cut. CAUTION: You will lose at least one brain cell while reading them.

ceelotweetsshutthefuckup

So according to CeeLo, if I drugged him, waited until he passed out and then repeatedly dropped an anvil on his head until he died, it wouldn’t be murder, because his ghost wouldn’t remember it. Sorry, Shonda Rhimes, but your new show “How To Get Away With Murder” is now null and void, because this King Koopa-looking ass bitch just showed us how to get away with EVERYTHING.

Maybe they didn’t teach this during sex ed class at the Oompa Loompa Day School that Cee Lo attended, but if the person you’re about to do sex stuff with cannot physically let you know that they want to touch genitals with you and you do it anyway, that’s rape. I know that most of the women that CeeLo has sex with keep their eyes closed shut, because they want to block out the image of greasy sweat drops falling off of his face as he humps them, but they still have to be awake otherwise it’s rape. It’s not that hard.

After CeeLo deleted his tweets, he issued a statement to Buzzfeed where he thanked God for exonerating him (“It wasn’t me!” – God) and played the “taken out of context” card:

“Let me 1st praise god for exoneration fairness & freedom! Secondly I sincerely apologize for my comments being taken so far out of context. I only intended on a healthy exchange to help heal those who love me from the pain I had already caused from this. Please forgive me as it was your support that got me thru this to begin with. I’d never condone the harm of any women. Thank you.”

CeeLo should’ve said that he was completely unconscious when he wrote those tweets therefore he didn’t really tweet them. His logic is sound.

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